Things in the future

I'm worried about events coming up in the future - I'm more than worried. I feel totally backed into a corner and trapped by the idea of these things happening.

Frequently as soon as I'm alone that's what I start thinking about. There are weeks where I only feel safe when my thoughts are distracted by work or hobbies or friends.

These thoughts consist of:

How awful it will be when I have to face these things.

How things will be after it's happened.

Will I be okay?

Will my relationships with the people I love be okay?

I think a lot about the past as well.

I feel lucky that I've found a certain grounding in my life that I didn't have before. I live in a beautiful home with someone who makes me feel safe. I have a job I'm good at and friends who look out for me. I feel peaceful when I walk to work and when I wash the dishes.

I am working on radically accepting that all of the terrible things I'm worried about could happen. And most of it is out of my control. So being mindful of my choices and the life I am living is the best I can do.